Many shades of life!

Am back in office after a gap of 11 days. No, I was not on any vacation, although my leaves will be shown under the category of 'annual leaves" that people usually take for a vacation or a quick visit home. the reason for my absence was a catastrophe at home. When I review the events that took place in the past few days of my life, there is a sense of disbelief, even though I had actually lived through each moment myself. It all started on a Thursday morning, 5 :15 am to be precise.

My friend Ayesha and I were fast asleep on the morning of 20th March 2008, trying to grab the last few hours of beauty sleep before the alarm woke us up for office. At around 5:15 am, I had a frantic knocking at my door. In my sleep infused state, I realized it was my housekeeper's wife, banging at the door, mumbling something about her husband Amrit. That woke me up completely. Amrit had been suffering from fever since the last 2-3 days and had taken normal medication and I assumed he had also gone to a doctor, since I had absolutely insisted on it.

When I opened the door, Kamla was standing there, looking very worried. She informed us that Amrit's fever had escalated during the night and she was scared. One look at Amrit told me, she had good reason to be scared. The normal young guy I had seen just last night seemed to have disappeared behind a facade of red eyes and an obviously sick person who is suffering from high fever. As my husband was out of town, I found myself desperately trying to arrange for some mode of transportation to the nearest hospital. The cab driver whose number I had was not responding to my frantic calls. Next i tried even an auto driver's number which i had stored for emergencies (Thank God).

Finally the auto driver responded and arrived at our place at 6:15 am. Ayesha, Amrit, his wife and their 2 n 1/2 year old kid all left for the hospital, while i had to wait helplessly at home, because I had to watch over my 4 dogs. At that time, while I was just sitting at home, waiting for regular update from the hospital every 15 mins to 1/2 n hour, I did not realize that this was just the beginning of a nightmare.

Amrit was immediately admitted to the emergency ward, where doctors gave him some injections, medicines and saline drip. he was then shifted to the general ward. Ayesha assured me, everything was under control for the time being as doctors were looking after him. She left for office directly from the hospital while Kamla stayed back to cater to her husband's needs. I was stuck at home and still in suspense about his condition. Soon, some of his cousins arrived and by the next day some other people from his village too, who were all working in various parts of Delhi. I took turns to visit the hospital with my brother and tried to decipher what exactly had happened after speaking to the various doctors.

Things just started getting complicated from then onwards. He was shifted to a different hospital by his relatives and friends and for a strange reason they would not inform us of his whereabouts. Frantic calls to various hospitals, relatives of Amrit and his firneds finally allowed us to relocate him. It was total mayhem. Kamla and the kid were in the thick of things with me watching helplessly from the sidelines. My husband took a break from his work and came back in the middle of a project, as he and Amrit had always shared a special bond.

Well, to cut a long, long story short - Amrit died on Tuesday, the 25th March 2008. Yes, he died, of a severe attack of meningitis, which the doctors had taken a long time to diagnose and hence treat. We were in a complete state of disbelief although we had got the warning that it might happen since Sunday night, as his condition kept deteriorating each day.

Now, its been 6 days since Amrit is no more with us. His wife and kid have returned to their native village for the Hindu rituals to be followed after a death. She was absolutely sure that she will return to us, to that home where she and her kid will find comfort and security, the home where her husband was last seen in the form in which she wanted to remember him always.

We have found a replacement for the time being. My husband has gone back to work. And life goes on. But it is not the same. In theory, we have just lost a housekeeper, but the vacuum that has been created - that I cannot put down in words. Everything and everyone in our house has been touched and tinged forever with his memory. even now we have not completely accepted that Amrit will not respond when we call out his name. I find it strange not to see his cycle standing in our backyard. I find it strange that there is no Nepali song being sung in his toneless voice as he goes about his work. I find it strange that he is simply not there!!!

Strange are the many shades of life in which every person leaves their prints behind in a riot of colors. maybe we can cope better with the loss of this human being that we had cherished, scolded and loved in our own ways. only when Kamla returns to us with their son. Eagerly waiting for her return, if nothing less then just to see a little bit of Amrit kept alive through his little boy!!!

soulmates...

Love at first sight...being comfortable with a person even if you have met that person for the first time...finding a friend who completes your sentences...what do you call all these incidents?

All of us have come across someone or the other and often more than one person, whom we seem to have known forever. It usually happens between companions who have the perfect tuning. Or even people who have been friends for long. At times it may so happen that you did not actively keep in touch with a friend by making regular calls or meeting up as often as you would have liked. But suppose you talk to that friend after a long gap or better still, you happen to meet up, even after a gap of years, you can quite easily start from wherever you had left off. It makes you feel as if your souls had been connected all along, at a level much beyond the physical.

Often you may have noticed that certain people crop up in your life whenever a particular kind of incident happens. For instance, you may keep getting back in touch with a friend when you need someone to talk to during a difficult time in your life. That friend appears in your life (even if you have not been in touch for years) - the friend lends you a shoulder to cry on, gives helpful advice and once the situation has been resolved, you lose touch again, seemingly in a completely explainable manner...but is it? the surprising coincidence is when that friend makes a re-appearance again - once more, when you are having a bad time!!! It may also be possible that YOU are that friend in someone's life.

Some relationships happen only to teach you a valuable lesson and once that lesson is learned, the relationship ends. that explains why you get so affected by a person who fleetingly appears in your life only to disappear in a similar manner. But some connections are for a lifetime which are sustained in spite of the odds against it. People in such relationships are soulmates in the true sense.

Soulmates have always existed in our circle - in every birth that we have taken our soulmates have been with us in some form or the other. A mother could have been a child whereas a husband could have been a sibling. Take a look around and see the people who matter to you. I mean really SEE them. Analyze the relationship that you have with them. Are you playing the mother to a friend? Is your husband filling in the gap of a father? Once you have really seen your relationships closely you will recognize your soulmate/soulmates! it will not only help you know them better but perhaps also help you understand each and every person's action and reaction and importance in your life. So long, till then - happy searching!

anger management!!!

Take a deep breath...inhale...exhale....inhale....exhale.....

No no I have not changed my profession to become a yoga teacher but I wish I could. change my profession and enter an industry that is free from inter personal clashes, ego wars and of course nasty politics. it would be a wonderful and idealistic situation if people started to get what they deserve but alas this is a rare occurrence indeed. like for example, salary hikes. do you think people really get what they deserve? nahhhhh....haven't you seen totally undeserving people get salaries which in no ways is justified by their contribution to the organization. N yet some people prefer to remain quiet and accept whatever comes their way. Well, I think it is all about portraying an image that 'boss, i am working a lot'.

The people who gain the most out of such situations are the ones who 'look busy do nothing'. then I wonder why am I finding it so difficult to just adapt to this scenario and go with the flow? I think perhaps I need to revamp my thoughts and my approach to work. whether i do a lot or not it should at least be 'projected' as a major contribution otherwise I shall fall far behind in the rat race.

but then again a question comes to my mind. even if i do manage to win the race i would still be a rat wouldnt I? Do i really want to exist that way? I don't think so. So what should people like me do? Protest whenever you can or just shut your trap and do nothing about it? I really don't know....but sure hope to find a way out and prove myself not to outsiders but to myself!

So with this positive frame of mind (forced),its goodbye for now:-)

Nightmares and dreams!

I have always heard that we dream in black & white and not colours. Then how do you explain the fact that I distinctly remember colours like red and blue from some of my vivid dream sequences? Also, will somebody tell me why so many books and theories are available on dream interpretation when I cannot make head or tail of my dreams or even nightmares? Whenever I have taken the liberty of describing my very serious account of a previous night's dreams, I have always managed to have the audience rolling on the floor with laughter. Not because my dreams or their interpretations are funny, but because of the sheer idiocy of manner in which my dream sequences play out in my sleep tainted mind. I also have varied responses besides the humour angle - people have also occasionally wanted to strangle me, when I gave a very interesting account of a dream, only to finish it off midway, coz that's exactly how my dream had ended. Like the power going off just when you are about to see the face of a killer in a suspense movie!!!

I also wonder if you have experienced any realistic nightmares which leave you shivering long after you have woken up from your disturbed sleep. I, for one, am the living expert on these. My nightmares have been so vivid that I have actually followed some advice given to me during these nightmares, coz I was too scared to ignore the supposed warnings. Recently I woke up from one such experience and remembered a phrase, a sort of warning, and till now I am trying to search for the meaning of it. the term I 'heard' distinctly in my nightmare was 'shani bandhak" and am still trying to figure out what it means. Guys, any help would be appreciated.

now, last but not the least, let me discuss the weird aspect of my very special 'continuation' dreams. It's almost like watching a serial, divided into episodes. Suppose, I am dreaming about something and I am rudely interrupted in the middle of a scene by my two labradors who decide to wake me up just then with an over friendly lick in the middle of the night - I can wake up, talk to them, go to the washroom , walk back to my bed and fall asleep again, only to start dreaming from point where I had left off. It's almost as if the characters in my dream were waiting for me to go back to sleep to resume whatever it is that they had been doing. Downright weird I tell you! You won't be able to understand the strange feeling of being suspended in reality that this kind of dream leaves you with. You are no longer sure, what is real and what have you dreamt up. sounds crazy huh? well, tell me about it (rolling my eyes)!

Ok now, I have told you some ramblings from my end and now as Sidney Sheldon would have said it...Tell Me Your Dreams!!!

Destruction!

Run for your lives
Don't stand and stare
There's death and destruction everywhere

He lost a daughter
She lost a son
All it took was a shot from a gun

Dying infants and wailing cries
The smell of death
Fills up the skies

Destruction of values
Elimination of races
While real people become nameless faces

People are dying
Do not question how
Don't you know its wartime now!

Office! Office!

Politics and backbiting is undoubtedly our national past time. Most of us who are working with any organization can surely relate to this statement. If you want to survive in the professional field AND make a success of your career, you must be well armed with the knack of playing dirty politics. Not that I consciously wanted to use the word 'dirty' with politics but somehow the words always seem to go together!

An office is a gathering of people with different values, cultures and beliefs. The challenge, undoubtedly, lies in the ability to bury your differences and form a professional relationship with your colleagues. But how many of us can say that we are working in such ideal environments? I am sure that if you mentally scan your work atmosphere you can definitely throw up a few names that survive solely on the strength of backbiting others and creating misunderstandings among the people. I have also noticed a common trait that such people have - shirking responsibility for their own job while gleefully interfering in the work of others! Creating unnecessary hassles in official work of the 'target' is another common practice.Spreading rumours, instigating colleagues against each other and into verbal fights is just few of the methods adopted by these office politicians. And just like the national scenario, office politics is simply going from bad to worse!

I, apparently havent mastered the art of dealing with such scenarios. believe me I am trying hard. Trying hard not to lash out at a colleague when i find him unnecessarily delaying my work, trying not to lash out when I see my colleague being harassed due to no fault of hers. Believe me i am trying!!! But till the time I manage to overcome my handicap and can turn a blind eye to these office games, I guess I will have to cool my heels by smoking away my anger.

Uncanny canines

As all dog lovers know, a dog is a man's best friend and even a woman's for that matter! Being a dog owner, I couldn't agree more. A dog will still be wagging it's tail at you even if you had left it alone all day. It will give you company on lonely evenings when all your loved ones are busy with their own life. And lick your face lovingly even if it has received a newspaper whack for some mischief! Rather than investing on security guards it would make sense if everyone invested a little love and care on a dog...trust me the grateful mutt will guard you with his life against seen and unseen danger. Now, did I say unseen? Let me try to explain what I meant by this comment.

Animals and specially dogs are known for their sixth sense. Have you ever noticed a dog barking at a blank space? It can be really eerie I tell you. Imagine it's a dark and stormy night and you are alone at home. So far so good. All of a sudden your lazy assed dog, who never raises a paw unless absolutely necessary for it's survival, is all alert with cocked ears and it's heckles raised. You instinctively look around the room and strain your ears, only to see nothing and hear nothing! But your dog has definitely picked up a scent that it doesn't like and starts barking furiously...at a blank wall. It tries to cordon off the area and stand guard in front of you, protecting you from something or someone ...unseen...

Next time you see a dog doing this just pause and ponder!